The New Secret to Success? Give More Than You Take
Surprising Forces that Shape Why Some People Rise to the Top of the Success Ladder While Others Sink to the Bottom.
2.1 Leadership & Influence
I’ve always believed in the power of giving.
It’s deeply embedded in our Filipino culture—friendly, hospitable, always ready to lend a hand. If you ask any Filipino, they’ll probably smile and nod, knowing it’s simply how we’re raised.
You’re likely to encounter Filipino nurses or caregivers, deeply beloved for their compassion and spirit of service.
It’s part of who we are.
A groundbreaking look at why our interactions with others hold the key to success, from the bestselling author of Originals.
There’s giving and there’s being strategic with your giving, focusing on what aligns with your values and well-being. It’s not about doing everything—it’s about doing the right things with intention.
Take care of yourself first, and you’ll be able to give even more in the long run.
How Giving Can Impact Success
Have you ever met someone who always seems to lend a helping hand but somehow ends up getting ahead in life? Or maybe you've seen the opposite—people who climb the corporate ladder by stepping on others.
What if I told you there’s a science behind these behaviors and how they impact success?
In his groundbreaking book Give and Take, Adam Grant, a professor at the Wharton School of Business, breaks down the surprising truth about what makes people successful.
He identifies three types of people in the workplace: givers, takers, and matchers. Understanding these three reciprocity styles can help you thrive in your career, build meaningful relationships, and avoid burnout. Let’s dive in!
The Three Reciprocity Styles: Givers, Takers, and Matchers
At work (and in life), people generally fall into three categories when it comes to helping others:
Givers: These are the people who help others without expecting anything in return. They share knowledge, make introductions, and support their colleagues simply because they want to.
Takers: Takers do the opposite. They’re all about looking out for themselves, often using others to get ahead without offering much in return.
Matchers: Most of us are matchers—we believe in fairness. If we do a favor for someone, we expect one in return.
Sounds simple, right? But here’s where it gets interesting. Grant found that givers are both the most successful and the least successful people in the workplace.
How is that possible?
Why Givers Can Be at the Bottom—or the Top
If giving were a surefire way to get ahead, we’d all be doing it. But not all givers succeed. Some burn out, get taken advantage of, and struggle to meet their own goals.
These are the selfless givers—they put everyone else’s needs before their own, often at their own expense.
On the flip side, the most successful people are also givers. But they’re what Grant calls otherish givers. These people help others, but they also set boundaries and make sure they don’t get exploited.
They know how to give strategically—helping others while still advancing their own goals.
Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success Paperback – March 25, 2014 4.5/5 of 6,202 ratings at Amazon.com | Kindle $13.99 | Hardcover $17.69) | 4.1 on Goodreads 37,694 ratings
The Key to Successful Giving: Be an Otherish Giver
So, how do you give without getting burned out? Here are some key strategies:
Prioritize Your Own Work – It’s great to help others, but not at the cost of your own success. Learn to say no when necessary.
Help in Ways That Matter – Focus on small, high-impact actions like making introductions, sharing useful knowledge, or mentoring someone.
Look for Win-Win Situations – The best givers find ways to benefit others while also moving forward themselves.
Protect Yourself from Takers – Not everyone deserves your generosity. Learn to recognize takers and set boundaries.
Spotting Takers (and How to Protect Yourself)
Takers can be sneaky. They may appear charming or generous at first, but their actions reveal a pattern of selfishness. Here are some red flags to watch for:
They talk about themselves a lot.
They take credit for other people’s work.
They only reach out when they need something.
If you spot a taker, don’t let them drain you. Grant suggests “generous tit-for-tat”—give them a chance, but if they continue to take without giving, cut back on your generosity toward them.
The Benefits of Giving (For You and Your Organization)
Being a giver isn’t just about being nice—it actually leads to better long-term success. Research shows that giving creates stronger networks, builds trust, and makes workplaces more collaborative. Companies with a culture of giving tend to outperform those that focus only on competition.
Here are some real-world benefits of giving:
Stronger relationships – Helping others builds goodwill and makes people want to support you in return.
Better career opportunities – Givers develop reputations as trustworthy and reliable, leading to more job offers and promotions.
Higher workplace performance – Teams with givers tend to be more innovative and productive because they openly share ideas and resources.
Networking the Right Way: The Giver’s Advantage
One of the biggest myths about networking is that it’s all about asking for favors. Givers flip the script. Instead of focusing on what they can get, they focus on what they can give. This approach makes networking feel natural and authentic rather than forced and transactional.
A few key takeaways from Grant’s research on networking:
Give before you ask – Build relationships by offering help first.
Connect others – Introduce people who could benefit from knowing each other.
Play the long game – The best networks are built over time, not in a single event.
How to Develop a Giver Mindset
If you want to become a successful giver, here are a few simple habits you can start today:
Ask, “How can I help?” – Look for opportunities to add value to others’ lives.
Keep a giving score – Track how often you help others, ensuring you're giving consistently.
Set boundaries – Remember, being a giver doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
Surround yourself with other givers – Being in a giving environment makes generosity the norm.
The Everyday Practices of Giving at Work
Offer Compliments and Praise
Express genuine appreciation for work or qualities of colleagues.
Share kind words about someone’s achievements or efforts.
Small Acts of Kindness
Smile at everyone you meet in the workplace and beyond.
Pay for someone’s coffee or meal behind you in line.
Let someone go ahead of you in the cafeteria.
Gifts and Surprises
Bake something for a teammate or friend.
Send unexpected gifts or thank you cards.
Offer to cook a meal for someone who is sick.
Listen and Support
Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while.
Listen attentively to someone who needs to talk.
Offer words of encouragement or support.
Practice Strategic Giving in Five Steps
Challenge: When you are up to it, commit to giving generously in one area of your life—whether it’s your time, expertise, or connections—and do so without expecting anything in return.
Identify the Opportunity
Reflect on areas in your life—work, personal relationships, or community—where you can offer help to others. It might be a colleague needing advice, a friend going through a tough time, or a community initiative you can support. Write it down to gain clarity on where you can contribute.
Set Clear Intentions
Ask yourself: What specific ways can I give to others in this area? It could be as simple as offering a listening ear, sharing useful information, or making an introduction. Define your intention for giving—whether it's offering knowledge, connections, or support.
Take One Action
Choose one action to start with—reach out to someone, offer assistance, or create a moment of generosity. For example, if you’re helping a colleague with a task, make sure to do it without expecting anything in return. Focus on giving rather than gaining.
Reflect and Journal
At the end of each day, journal about your experiences. What were your motivations? How did it feel to give without expectations? Did you notice any changes in your relationships or mindset? Reflect on how your giving may have impacted others.
Evaluate Your Growth
At the end of the week, reflect on how practicing generosity affected both you and those around you. Did you notice any shifts in your relationships or mindset? How did giving impact your personal success and the success of others?
Goal: This challenge is about embracing the power of giving as a strategy for long-term success. By practicing strategic generosity, you’ll create a positive ripple effect in your life and the lives of others.
Take this challenge and discover how even small changes in attitude and action can transform your path.
Final Thoughts: Giving as a Success Strategy
The world needs more givers. But not just any givers—smart givers. If you learn to give effectively, you won’t just be a nice person. You’ll build a career filled with strong relationships, meaningful work, and long-term success.
So, here’s your challenge: Find one small way to give today.
Maybe it’s introducing two colleagues, mentoring someone new, or sharing an opportunity.
Give generously—but wisely—and watch how it transforms your career and your life.
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