How to Achieve Freedom of Mind to Create the Life You've Always Wanted
Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering!
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This week’s featured book is Don't Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen. I initially expected it to be a hefty hardcover with numerous chapters.
Instead, it’s a slim book packed with profound insights.
Have you ever felt trapped in your own thoughts? Maybe you've worried about something that never actually happened or convinced yourself of a problem that wasn't real. If so, you're not alone.
Most of us, if not all, struggle with overthinking, anxiety, and self-doubt.
I know I have done these at times before and still do occasionally. But what if the key to a happier life wasn’t about controlling your thoughts, but about understanding them differently?
That’s the main idea in Don't Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen. This book isn’t your typical self-help guide filled with productivity tips and positive affirmations.
Instead, it goes deep into the way our minds work, revealing how our thoughts shape our reality—and how we can free ourselves from unnecessary suffering.
While many of the book’s ideas weren’t entirely new to me, it still shifted some of my thinking—and I believe it has the power to do the same for anyone who reads it.
In this discussion, I’ll share the book’s most important lessons, real-life applications, and how understanding our thoughts can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
The Big Idea: Thoughts Aren’t Reality
One of the most powerful messages in Don't Believe Everything You Think is that our thoughts are not reality. This may sound simple, but when you truly grasp it, it can transform your life.
Many of us assume that because we think something, it must be true. But Nguyen argues that this is a major misunderstanding.
For example, have you ever convinced yourself that a friend was mad at you because they didn’t text back right away? Your mind starts spinning stories—“Maybe they don’t like me anymore,” “Did I say something wrong?”—even though there’s no actual evidence for these thoughts. Later, you find out they were just busy.
I had such an experience that illustrates this best.
I once befriended a young male teacher who teaches choir at a community college. We discovered a shared passion for gospel music, and I had accompanied him on piano and offered suggestions for songs he might perform at his church services.
One day, I texted him suggesting he consider singing “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.” I expected an immediate, enthusiastic response. The afternoon passed until late into the evening without a reply.
The following morning still without a response, I became increasingly frustrated and convinced he wasn't interested.
My mind began constructing an elaborate narrative: Had I offended him? Was he deliberately ignoring me? Perhaps he hadn't enjoyed our musical collaboration as much as I thought.
Later that day, he finally responded with genuine enthusiasm: “I love that idea! Sorry for the late response—I was in back-to-back classes all day and with some exams I just saw your message.”
I had to laugh at myself. Overnight, my mind had crafted an entire story based purely on assumptions.
This experience perfectly illustrates the central theme of Joseph Nguyen's “Don't Believe Everything You Think”—how easily our thoughts can lead us astray when we treat them as facts rather than what they are: mere thoughts.
This happens because our brains are designed to create narratives. We automatically try to make sense of situations, but the problem is that we often fill in the gaps with assumptions and worst-case scenarios.
Learning to question these assumptions can help us avoid unnecessary stress.
The Two Arrows of Suffering
Nguyen shares a powerful Buddhist story about suffering called “The Two Arrows.”
The first arrow represents unavoidable pain—things like losing a loved one, failing a test, or getting rejected. These things are part of life, and we can’t avoid them.
The second arrow is the suffering we create by dwelling on those experiences—beating ourselves up, replaying bad memories, or worrying about things we can’t change.
While we can’t avoid the first arrow, we don’t have to shoot ourselves with the second one. This means that while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Once we understand this, we can begin to let go of unnecessary suffering by not over-identifying with our thoughts.
This experience reminds me of a powerful quote by Stephen R. Covey that has helped me cope with life's challenges:
“It’s not what happens, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us.”
This simple truth has been a practical guide through many of my difficult experiences.
It echoes Nguyen's central message about how our reactions, usually coming out of our thoughts, not the events themselves, cause our deepest pain.
Why Our Minds Work This Way
Nguyen explains that our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. This comes from our evolutionary past, where early humans had to constantly scan for danger.
This habit of always looking for threats helped our ancestors survive, but in today’s world, it often works against us.
For example, imagine you get some constructive criticism from a teacher or a boss. Instead of taking it as helpful feedback, your brain might react as if you’re being personally attacked.
Your mind jumps to thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess up.”
This response isn’t your fault—it’s just how our brains are wired. But the good news is that by understanding this, we can start to change the way we react.
Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering – March 28, 2022 4.6/5 15,244 ratings 3.8/5 on Goodreads 24,432 ratings | Kindle $9.99 | Paperback $14.64
The Difference Between Thoughts and Thinking
Nguyen introduces an important distinction between thoughts and thinking.
Thoughts appear randomly in our minds, like clouds drifting across the sky. We don’t control them—they just happen.
Thinking is when we engage with those thoughts, analyze them, and turn them into something bigger.
For instance, say you suddenly remember an embarrassing moment from college. That’s a thought.
But if you spend the next ten minutes replaying it, cringing, and feeling bad about yourself, that’s thinking.
The problem isn’t that we have thoughts—it’s that we often get stuck in unnecessary thinking.
By learning to observe our thoughts without attaching to them, we can avoid getting caught in cycles of self-doubt and anxiety.
Finding Peace by Letting Go of Overthinking
Nguyen introduces the concept of non-thinking, which doesn’t mean stopping thoughts completely (which is impossible).
Instead, it means not getting attached to every thought that crosses our minds.
Think about times when you’ve been completely immersed in an activity—playing a sport, listening to music, or drawing. In those moments, you weren’t overthinking; you were just experiencing life.
That’s the state of mind Nguyen encourages us to cultivate.
One way to do this is by practicing mindfulness. This means paying attention to the present moment without judgment.
For example, instead of getting lost in worries, you can focus on your breathing, your surroundings, or the task at hand. The more we practice this, the easier it becomes to break free from overthinking.
How to Apply These Ideas in Real Life
Nguyen offers a three-step method to help change how we relate to our thoughts:
Notice your thoughts. Pay attention to when you start overthinking. Recognizing it is the first step.
Create space. Instead of immediately believing every thought, pause and observe it. Ask yourself, “Is this thought actually true?”
Return to the present. Bring your focus back to what you’re doing instead of getting lost in unnecessary thinking.
By practicing these steps, we can gradually train ourselves to respond to life’s challenges with greater calm and clarity.
A New Way to Set Goals
Another key takeaway from the book is that the mindset behind our goals matters just as much as the goals themselves.
Many people pursue success out of fear—fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of disappointing others.
But Nguyen suggests a different approach: setting goals based on joy, creativity, and passion rather than pressure and anxiety.
For example, if you want to get better at public speaking, you can approach it in two ways:
Out of fear: “If I don’t improve, I’ll embarrass myself and people won’t respect me.”
Out of growth: “I want to improve so I can express myself clearly and connect with others.”
The second approach is more effective because it’s driven by curiosity and excitement rather than stress.
Why This Matters
Understanding how our thoughts work doesn’t just help us feel better—it also improves our relationships, work, and leadership skills.
Better relationships: When we don’t assume the worst about people, we avoid unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.
More confidence: When we stop overthinking every mistake, we become more willing to take risks and try new things.
Improved focus: When we’re not constantly lost in thoughts, we can give our full attention to what really matters.
Nguyen challenges us to ask: What would I do if I wasn’t held back by my own thoughts? This question can open up new possibilities and help us live more freely.
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Final Thoughts
Don't Believe Everything You Think is a deeply insightful book that offers a new way to understand mental well-being. Instead of trying to force ourselves to think positively, Nguyen shows us how to change our relationship with thoughts altogether.
By learning to see thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—we can free ourselves from unnecessary stress and live with greater clarity and peace.
In today’s fast-paced world, where we’re constantly bombarded with information, Nguyen’s message is more relevant than ever. His book isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about fundamentally changing the way we experience life.
If you’re looking for real, lasting change, this book is a great place to start.